Well folks, you are in luck! My new venture is open and accepting client. Hopewell’s custom Christmas media service, known professionally as The Ghost of Christmas Present Media Services, Inc. We provide a full range of holiday media services–don’t let the name fool you! We are also well-positioned to cover all of your Seasonal, Advent, Winter Solstice, Holiday, New Year’s, Chanukah and Kwanza media needs. Whether its a traditional Christmas letter or a full hosting of a blog Holiday Home Tour, we provide unparalleled service and all with refreshing honesty.
Let’s face it, we all experience years that are less than jolly.But Christmas letters, holiday tweets, Seasonal Snap Chats, Holiday Instagram posts and good-old holiday cards MUST go out! At The Ghost of Christmas Present Media Services, Inc. we take the hassle out of producing the perfect holiday communications. We make your ho-hums and hell-nos into hohohos!
For our reasonable rates, please leave your email address and a brief outline of the subject matter and we’ll get back to you. Or save time and order directly at http://www.GofCPresent.scm Our photo uploader is simple to use. If media is coming from a pet, please specify dog or cat. Sorry, we aren’t yet accepting other types of pet-media requests. Be sure to check out our Groupon deal and coupon codes. We’re on Swagbucks, too, and accept all competitor coupons. No doubling. See the Red Plum mailer this Sunday for a special deal with Patti’s Party Perfection. Not available in Arkansas. Don’t forget to visit our booth at the Downtown Christmas Convention!
A Sample Project
Here is our project for satisfied customer “Jane” [All names have been changed for privacy] of Somewhere, OH.
Here’s the raw material Jane sent us:
Jane–age 54, secretary at a gravel and mulch company, currently doing a side gig as a virtual assistant for another company since her day job is so dull. Having an affair with her boss whose wife is clueless.
Boyd– age 56,her husband. Once a broker for a chain brokerage. Used information from a fraternity brother to do insider trading and got caught. Is in federal prison in West Virginia where he was inmate of the month in his training program. He is learning to machine-embroider company logos on golf shirts and has a job in a cooperative program upon release.
Daughter Jennifer, 30, newly fired from her job as an Insurance agent for violating an appearance clause by getting a view of Venice tattooed from chin to thighs and wearing clothing to work that shows too much of it. Divorced. Now living at home along with child and numerous pets. Working at Pizza Hut having used cashed 401(k) for the tattoo.
Grandaughter Julianna-Harper, age, 5, child of Jennifer.
Son Jason, 28, just gave up being a lawyer and is divorcing his wife. They are fighting over who gets stuck with the triplets they spent a fortune conceiving. Is currently living at home with his 2 1/2 year old triplets. He and the soon-to-be ex are fighting over who is stuck Addysyn, Emmyrsyn and Harrison.
Daughter Jeena, 25, Pursing a career as a weightlifter and long-haul trucker. Married her high-school sweetheart Molly (a dental hygienist), but no one knows any of this. Officially she’s in “Sports Management” following a career as an NCAA division 1 swimmer.
Conchita, age not given, illegal Honduran immigrant who cares for the triplets.
Astrid, 21, Norwegian au pair who helps out and is sleeping with Jason.
Louis, 13, Conchita’s son, just got his first gang tattoo.
Moira, age 89, Boyd’s great-aunt whose retirement village closed after an abuse expose on local tv.
Le’Vaughnna, age not given, Moira’s daily assistant.
Patreecia, age not given, Moira’s nighttime assistant.
One recused bull mastiff, a dachshund, a 17 year old cat, one hedge hog, two rescued Golden Retrievers, four tanks of tropical fish, and a white rat–the pets.
Our product–with the photo “Jane” selected
I couldn’t resist using this wonderful family Christmas card photo from years back. So evocative of the spirit of our family yet today. My Boyd is still just as handsome, though thankfully I’ve tamed my hair. hahaha We girls must keep up with fashion–especially at the holidays!
What an exciting year here in the ______ household! To start with we’ve jumped on the mufti-generational, co-housing bandwagon. Our house is once again bustling with happy activity! We are so pleased with our new lifestyle. The blessings are too numerous to list here.
Let me update you on what each of us is doing this year. Several of us have started new ventures–so fun and exciting to reinvent ourselves!
Boyd is still retraining for his career change. He will graduate this spring–I’m so proud!! He’s begged me not to share this, but I simply must! He won an award as an outstanding participant. That plaque will have pride-of-place our “Wall of Honor” next to Jeena’s scholarship letter and and all the other family awards. He will be entering the competitive world of textile-based marketing upon graduation. We are so excited to learn where God is leading this new career!
We are blessed to have all four of darling grandchildren living with us. The house being so huge and empty, the idea of co-housing and mingled generations just felt so “us” and it is–it truly is! From 89 year old Great-Aunt Moira down to Jason’s adorable triplets, there’s so much love in our home again. It’s like having the warm glow of a fire on a cold night every minute.
Julianna-Harper is my sweet little helper. She adores baking cookies with Grammy and now we can do that whenever we’d like! We love to play beauty salon together. Why my nails have never looked so spectacular. She’s a very girly-girl and simply lives for fun things like glittery purple nail polish. And can she do hair? Oh my yes! Tuv’vy of Steel Magnolias can’t match her back-combing! Look out America’s Top Model!
Our sweet little moppets–Jason’s triplets–provide constant entertainment. They are just too sweet! Emmyrsyn is the little diva of the trio. Everything must be “just so.” She insists on wearing dresses and hair bows–truly a Grammy’s delight! Addysyn is the shy little sweetheart. She’s Grammy’s little snuggle-bug and loves to cuddle and read stories. Harrison is all boy! He has Grandpa Boyd’s strong jaw and good looks and Daddy Jason’s easy-going nature. Date nights with this fella are my favorite thing ever! We are blessed to have Astrid from Norway here this year to help with the kiddos and to have Conchita, the triplets’ nanny, and her son Louis with us as well. We are all quickly becoming bi-lingual, something I’ve long desired. The little ones jabber away in three languages–it is simply adorable.
Jason has turned artistic-entrepreneur. Local friends may recognize the phrase “Wine on the Wheel”–well that’s a highlight of his new venture. He has opened a pottery studio offering a wide array of beautiful, hand- designed pottery. He also creates bespoke pieces for weddings and other occasions as well as custom dinner sets. The wine part comes in on Friday and Saturday evenings, and at other times by appointment, when a small group gathers to make make pottery and taste local wines. In the summer the whole thing travels to local vineyards. Such a great team-building time or gals night out. He also hosts romantic “Ghost” nights for couples to drink wine and enjoy making pottery by candlelight. He’ll soon be moving to a bigger location–demand is so great. There’s talk, too, of a Mommy-and-Me class for tots! I wonder where he got that idea! Sounds like something Grammy and a few little people will be trying. Don’t worry, the wine at those is grape juice!
Jennifer has gone into restaurant work and is learning the ropes from the ground up. I sense a possible collaboration in the works with Jason, don’t you? Her artistic nature is just as strong as Jason’s and she showcases it beautifully on the job. We’re very proud of her. We enjoy having Jen and Julianna-Harper with us as well as their wonderful menagerie of pets. Pets simply make a person feel loved, don’t they? We certainly think so. And their tropical fish, all bubbling away in tanks on the upstairs landing, have made a new favorite congregating spot. The bubbling filters and beautiful colors of God’s aquatic creations sooth our souls. I really can’t believe that we once thought we could de-stress without them!
Jeena’s career in sports management is really on steroids! Sorry for the pun, but I couldn’t resist. She’s made huge strides into weightlifting management now. I had no idea that ladies competed in weightlifting–well outside the old USSR, hahahahaha. We’re so proud that she’s found such a successful professional niche. When she’s not on the road for her career, she too has fallen in love with our co-housing idea. Her old friend and swim team co-captain from high school days, Molly, has joined in the fun as well. This makes it so simple for me to stay in shape–there’s always someone to workout with or walk the dogs with (Molly and Jeena each have a rescued Golden Retriever as well as all the other dogs in the family). They are both such fit young women–truly inspiring for those of us fighting the ole middle-age spread.
The last members of our extended multi-generational household are Boyd’s sweet Aunt Moira. At 89 she has such wisdom! Her sweet cat, Mr. Mittens, is a delight. We are so blessed to have Moira and Mr. M here. Her sweet, sweet caregivers, Patreecia and La’Vaugnna are just like members of the family. They are such a blessing and minister to Moira like angels.
That leaves just little old me. I’m still loving my job at Art’s Gravel and Mulch. There really is so much to keep organized and dear Art is such a sweetie! He makes my job pure pleasure. I’ve teased that he and his wonderful wife, Gretta, should join us in our lovely co-housing scheme–we’ve all been friends so long and grown so close over the years.
From Our House to Your House, we wish you good cheerthis season.
Love from Jane and Boyd and all the crew!
See? If we can make Jane’s life sound good, imagine what we can do for yours!
Next week, we’ll show how we helped Brandi showcase her home on The Perfect Homestead’s Perfect Christmas House Blog Tour.