Review: I Need A Lifeguard Everywhere but the Beach



The Story

Best selling thriller author, Lisa Scottoline and her daughter Francesca Serritella have teamed up again to bring us more peeks into their real lives. These little essays, aka “Chick Wit” remind us of how great–and how awful, it is to be women of a certain age. Whatever that age may be.

What I Loved

I always say that listening to these two perform their essays on the audio version is like taking a road trip with your two besties. This installment is just that–a gal-pal road trip and more.

The intro to this collection says it perfectly:

I’m [Lisa] divorced twice….Francesca isn’t dating anyone right now. …So here we are, mother and daughter, happily single yet unhappily celibate, going through life on our own.

And We Still Count

[emphasis mine]


Lisa’s Take

This is the glory of their essays. In the Grace and Frankie era women aren’t defined by whether they  have a sex life (i.e. a man). We are more than that. We who wield our own vacuum cleaners (or not), who adore our pets possibly more than our spouse (if we have one) or our lay-about-do-nothing-navel-gazing-young-adult-children (did I just say that?)–we matter! We’re standing up to cellulite and not giving a damn if it shows….unless we’re at the beach. And we are entitled to our fantasies of Jeremy Irons stopping for gas at the Fincastle, Ohio gas station (hey, don’t laugh–a Bentley stopped once and it wasn’t a drug dealer!) and spots us and says, “You’re fabulous” in that voice. Ok, or Bradley Cooper comes by, big dif…. This is Lisa’s genius–she’s not dead yet and she knows we gals aren’t either!

I love Lisa for another reason, too. She is that rare species: A Recovered Lawyer. Yep, she, too could enjoy the Biglaw-themed party (and nod knowingly) that I planned in this post for all recovering lawyers. In addition, at her party, Lisa deserves the addition of a picked-over desert tray (and the forever life support from firm profits!) for having the good sense to divorce a few lawyers as well. This gives her super-duper bike path cred (street cred sounds too violent) with yours truly.

Francesca’s Take

Francesca’s specialty is voicing the real-life concerns of young, well educated women everywhere. That is, how to survive dating in the Tinder age when no one swipes right. She’s woman enough to sincerely rejoice when true friends really, really do find true love–even while calling out Bridal Shower games as sexist (which they are).  She can also go all out for a married friend’s new baby. Meanwhile she is an over-achieving doggie-Mommy to her adorable, dear little Pip and to her hiding cat.

Francesca’s Great Achievements In This Book

In this book, Francesca manages to top the word staycation by coining, “guyatus” for a hiatus from guys. Brilliant! Oh, Webster’s? Are you listening? Forget Trump-speak, this is the word of the year for 2017. Got it?

Then there’s her unknowing addition to the socially awkward merit badges (she doesn’t get to earn one–it wasn’t her fault, ok? Plus a scratching post is a NECESSITY,  it doesn’t qualify!




The new badge, you ask? Bought Cat Furniture!! No, not a scratching post though–ok? That’s necessary to save your own furniture. But buying Puss N’ Boots this type thing, definitely merits both a merit badge and an appointment with Dave Ramsey.




This, this deserves a Socially Awkward Merit Badge all it’s own. But don’t worry–I’ll help you look at upholstery swatches. You’re right–that print does hide both cat hair and scratches.


Now, could someone explain to this confused Midwesterner how Spaghetti Sauce has come to be called Gravy??


My Verdict (Trigger Warning!)

How This Lovely Collection Made Me Feel

I admit that election and post-election fatigue were a problem in listening to a couple of the essays, but neither Lisa nor Francesca could have predicted months ago that this would be a problem. I’m giving them a pass. Plus the essays themselves WERE great.

But these two tell it like it is in such an enjoyable way  that I can’t say anything but just listen to them! Or read them! I only listen–I want THEIR voices to tell me THEIR stories.



I Need a Lifeguard Everywhere But the Pool by Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella

Here is a link to ALL of Lisa and Francesca’s Humorous Chick Wit books.


Want to read more?

Here are my reviews of other books by Lisa and Francesca:




I’ve Got Sand in All the Wrong Places by Lisa and Francesca (scroll down on linked page for the review).






Does This Beach Make Me Look Fat? By Lisa and Francesca (scroll down on linked page for the review).







My Nest Isn’t Empty, It Just Has More Closet Space by Lisa and Francesca. This was my gateway collection. This review is on my old blog and will be featured in my new Flashback Friday book review series this week!






Most Wanted by Lisa Scottoline




See Mother and Daughter in action!

5 thoughts on “Review: I Need A Lifeguard Everywhere but the Beach

  1. I have seen this book cropping up in all kinds of places this summer. I am glad you read it so I could decide whether to put some effort into checking it out (literally….from the library, haha!).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve read all of these books except the newest one and loved them, but have not heard them on audio. Now you’ve got me thinking that I need to do that. They are so funny and entertaining. I just read your review of Most Wanted and it’s been on my to-do list to try one of Lisa’s non-humor books. That one sounds like a winner!

    Liked by 1 person

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